desliz:

I agree that safewords have a useful purpose and should be encouraged in relationships where there is concern about mixed signals, but they are not magic. I have personally been in a situation in which what began as a totally consensual act suddenly became so painful I could not speak or move away. If my partner was not attentive to subtle non-verbal signals, it could have ended very badly. It is absolutely terrifying to find yourself in that situation, and the idea that it would have been my fault if he had continued is appalling. It is impossible to predict exactly how a person will react to something new, and therefore safewords, while helpful, are simply just another tool that must be used in conjunction with common sense and close observation. The failure to say them does not grant a partner the right to do whatever they like. You are always responsible for not harming, raping, abusing, or exploiting your sexual partner, no matter what they do or do not do. Whether it occurs in the context of a D/s relationship or totally vanilla PIV sex is irrelevant.

If you find that all too complicated, you’re not mature enough to have sex.